I used to feel angry when I didn’t feel good all. the. time.
Drank green juice every day.
Worked out faithfully.
Had work I loved.
Had creative projects I adored.
…and had (have!) days where I just felt blah/irritated/sad/insert-uncomfortable-feeling-here.
And on top of “insert-uncomfortable-feeling-here” I’d absolutely BERATE myself for not being spiritual/cleansed/perfect enough to just be goddamn happy all the time!!!!
I was a master at being kind to myself…as long as I felt good.
As soon as things weren’t flowy, lovey, and magical – my inner talk shifted gears.
“What’s your problem, you have everything you want, you’re not allowed to be sad!!!”
“Aren’t you supposed to be all, like, free and stuff? Why aren’t you having the best day ever EVERY DAY??”
“You can’t let anyone know you’re feeling this way you know, how embarrassing for you…”
It took a little time to see that where my perfectionism once centered around my diet and my body, it was now resting on ensuring I felt like a magical unicorn…100% of the time.
There is resilience to be earned in the hard days.
There is patience to be gained in the sticky stuff.
There is curiosity to be cultivated in the challenges.
While I remain lovingly disciplined in the way I move and feed my body and focus my mind…I’ve now added a heaping dose of UNCONDITIONAL self-kindness.
I’m learning to be nothing but sweet to myself.
Even if I haven’t made the highest choice.
Even if I look in the mirror and am irritated by what I see.
Even if I’m migrating through a heavier experience than sparkly-unicorn-land.
Unconditional means unconditional.
And it makes the whole journey a hell of a lot sweeter.